


Cloudy

by TheButcherOfBlaviken



Series: Bookends [12]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Needs Therapy, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Sad Alex Danvers, Sad Ending, Sad Lena Luthor, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, everyone is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:15:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheButcherOfBlaviken/pseuds/TheButcherOfBlaviken
Summary: Eventually, Lena would box everything away. Take Kara’s paintings down, pack up her clothes and knick-knacks. She would shove them in her car and take them back to her apartment, where she would spread them out across her penthouse as a makeshift shrine to the love she would never get back.Until then, she would sit in the apartment, letting her anguish churn and burn inside her till it was finally time to move on.Lena mourns.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Clark Kent/Lois Lane, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Querl Dox/Nia Nal
Series: Bookends [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592278
Comments: 19
Kudos: 125





	Cloudy

**Author's Note:**

> i think this is the last fic based off simon and garfunkel, after this i ran out of their songs to use. if youre just joining, this is a series of one shots all loosely linked together. you could read them on their own, which is cool. or if you liked this one and want to know the story behind it, you could start at the beginning as theyre all in order. dont worry, only gonna be painful for a few more entries! i think. im happy you all seem to be enjoying this fun series, even if i have made you cry. let me know what you think of this one! until next time, friends!

Lena sat on Kara’s bed in her little apartment. She had forced Kara’s landlord to sell the apartment to her. It was a sacred space now, the last testament to Kara ever having existed.

Thats where she had been since everything fell apart. Moving like a zombie through the apartment, ordering food in and calling in Sam to take her place at LCorp till she was stable enough to be around normal people again.

She looked to the window, at the grey clouds and rain baring down on the poor city.

In the days since Kara’s death, the ugly clouds had moved in and refused to budge. It seemed fitting really, that mother nature would be just as heartbroken as the rest of them.

Lena felt the gloomy weather was hanging over head, destined to follow her every move. That no matter how far it had to travel, be it hundreds or thousands of miles, it would hunt her down.

she was the scared little girl again, the recently orphaned child with no where to go. Without Kara, she felt she was left to shiver and shake in the cold, with no hope of shelter.

Her smiles were carefully painted on, attempting to be brave when faced with the worst week of her life. Everything was turning to shit, and Lena was helpless in stopping it. Her hope died along with Kara, left on the road when Alex drove her home after securing Kara’s _body._

Her mind had been a mess of pain and grief, cloudy and unsure of where to go next. There’s no end to the hurtful thoughts that lingered in the wake of losing the love of her life.

_Where is she now? Is she with Rao and her family? Did she get to meet Walt Disney like she had talked about once? Was she at peace?_

**_Was she happy?_ **

These thoughts echoed and swelled in her mind, threatening to spill out and break her entirely.

She knew in the back of her mind Kara wouldn’t want her to be like this, wouldn’t want her to hurt like this. What she was doing, sitting in the dark apartment, alone, was not how Kara would want her to grieve.

But it was the only way she knew how, so she stuck with it till she figured out a better way to shatter.

Lena got up from the messy bed, just as Kara had left it that unfortunate morning. She walked past the partition Kara had put up to give some semblance of privacy in the little space. She always felt it was more for looks, as you could clearly see through it, but Kara insisted it was for _privacy_ so Lena let her think that.

The walked next to the rack where Kara kept her clothes, running her hands along the garments that would go unworn. She spotted her favorite shirt of the reporter’s, a blue one with little anchors on its fabric. She remembered going to the mall with her, spotting it from across the store and insisted she get it.

Kara relented and wore it the next day. Lena knew she was right. It fit her perfectly.

Kara would never get to wear it again. Lena would eventually box it up and store it somewhere, where it would remain hidden for her to admire it.

The smell of Kara’s perfume wafted into her nose, as if the apparel was attempting to comfort her. To trick her into thinking Kara would walk over and grab an item from the rack, dropping a kiss on her cheek as she left to get ready.

She had been afraid to touch anything, lest she disturb the essence of Kara that still hung around every object she came into contact with.

She turned to look around. While nothing had changed, there was something missing from the loft. Kara’s paintings still hung on the walls, the flowers she had scattered around were still bright and colorful. Everything was still so _Kara._

But the fridge was devoid of microwaveable pot stickers and ice cream. The radio Kara bought from the antique store was off, quiet for the first time. Kara took every opportunity to turn it on, to sing along while she washed the dishes that she always let pile up for way too long.

There weren’t stacks of unopened mail on her kitchen table, Lena having directed Kara’s mail to her penthouse only yesterday. Kara never opened her mail right away, procrastinating till the letter was sent again, forcing her to answer.

Everything was too immaculate to be somewhere that _Kara Danvers_ lived.

The apartment was full of boxes, packed to the brim with all of Kara’s things that Lena had no intention of ever getting rid of. She was never getting Kara back so she would take whatever bit of her she could get.

Lena sat down on the couch, staring at a box on the coffee table. It sat by itself, calling Lena to take a peek inside and face the demons she was struggling to keep locked away.

Shakily she reached out, grabbing the box by the build in handles and pulled it into her lap. It read photographs in Kara’s messy handwriting on the lid. She grabbed the top and held it in her hands, running her fingers along the words. She felt as though it was mocking her, just another reminder of her loss.

She set the lid down next to her, on the vibrantly colored pillow Kara got from the old woman down the hall for Christmas.

She looked inside and was assaulted by the memories already crawling from the box and into her conscience. They stood as souvenirs of the life they had lived together, as short as it was.

Lena reached inside and grabbed a photo. It was of everyone at game night, Nia was laughing next to her, Alex and Kelly were wrapped up in each other and Brainy and James were talking animatedly to each other.

It seemed like a lifetime ago when really, this was only about a month ago.

Lena proceeded to sift through the box, her eyes greeted by happy moment after happy moment. She soon found that most of the pictures were of her, candid photos taken when Lena was vulnerable, her heart open and unguarded.

One of her looking through a magazine on the same couch she was on. Another of her, reading a book and biting her lip in deep concentration. There was a photo of two clasped hands and Lena knew by the clothes of one of the figures in the picture it was her.

So many still moments in time, each one sparking Lena’s interest. Why did Kara take it? What was she thinking when she pressed the shutter button? She captured these instants in time, ensuring their place in existence forever for a reason, and Lena was overcome with the fact she would never know _why._

Lena looked away from the smiling faces of the past and back to the window. The rain had let up, only a slight mist coming down on the people scurrying around on the street below. In the distance, she saw the sun peek out from the dark clouds outside the city. The warm rays were yearning to break through, longing to bring light to the people of National City.

It had felt like an eternity since Lena truly felt the sun, basked in its presence. She realized it must have been before she lost the smiling blonde that filled her with life.

Lena could just hear Kara’s voice telling her something about ‘it will get better’. That one day the sun would shine on them again. That they would be together eventually. She wanted it all to be true, craved to be religious just once and believe in a _somewhere_ she and Kara would live in together for all time.

The day drifted by slowly, Lena watching the clouds hang and slowly die, the sun taking its chance to break through. Like a glimmer of hope for all of them.

She knew she wasn’t the only one hurting. They lost Kara, and the world lost Supergirl. The world was without its best defender and they no longer had a person they loved. Kara’s family drifted in and out, voicing their condolences to her.

Clark came when he got out the hospital, Lois holding tightly onto one of his arms. His other arm was in a sling and his face was covered in cuts and bruises, but still he did his best to smile at her. He tried to apologize to her, wishing it was him, that if he could, he would trade his life for hers.

Before, Lena might have agreed with him, that yes, it was his fault. That it should have been him, not her precious Kara. That Lena was no longer there, replaced by the one that wanted to live by Kara’s memory as closely as possible.

She pulled the couple into a hug, promising them that Kara wouldn’t want Clark to think that way, that she was finally able to do what she was sent to Earth to do; protect Kal-El, her baby cousin.

He cried into her shoulder; the man of steel reduced to heaving sobs.

That visit had been hard.

Nia was over yesterday with Brainy, the two still attempting to process she was gone. Nia told her of an article she was working on with the elder reporter. It was the last one that would be published with Kara’s name on the by-line and Nia promised to bring the first copy they printed to her.

Brainy spent the visit in silence, coping in his own way.

Winn came back from the future, to mourn the friend he felt he didn’t even know anymore. His guilt emanated from him in waves everywhere he went. Just like everyone else, he speculated on what would have happened had he simply been there. Lena could sympathize with that.

Eliza came sparingly, she herself mourning the loss of her youngest daughter. She brought Alura with her, who was quietly respectful and seemingly lost. Her daughter had been separated from her for decades and was almost unfamiliar to her.

They talked of happy things, of Kara learning how to ride the Kryptonian equivalent of a bike. They talked of the time Kara came home crying, barely able to tell Eliza how she broke a boy’s nose when they tried to kiss.

Lena was able to learn new things about the girl she loved, the one that was taken from her too soon.

The sun had already gone down when there was a knock at the door. It was opened soon after, Alex’s slouched form sulking in, a case of beer in hand. She walked silently through the door and into the kitchen, setting the case on the counter and aggressively grabbing a can.

She popped the can open and gulped, not stopping as if someone was coming to take it from her. She finished it in one go and grabbed another.

Of everyone in her life, Alex was taking Kara’s death the hardest. J’onn came back to help at the DEO while Director Danvers took a much-needed break. Lena knew she felt responsible, angry that she couldn’t save her sister. Lena let her sort it our herself, knowing eventually she would pick herself up and continue on.

Kelly assured her they were working on it, that healing would come with time.

Lena was sure no amount of time would patch the Kara sized hole in her heart. No one would ever compare to her sweet lover and there would be no one else ever again as far as Lena was concerned.

Her heart belonged to Kara, it always would.

Kara’s funeral was in a few days. Kara Danvers that is. The following day would be Supergirl’s nationally televised, state funeral.

As far as the world knew, Kara Danvers was killed doing what she loved, bringing the truth to the people, and was killed by Doomsday while in Metropolis. It was believable. No one would ever know she died saving the world.

Lena would go with Eliza and Alex to Midvale, where they would bury Kara. Alex told her that thanks to her alien biology, she body would look much the same as it did when she was alive, her rate of decay much slower thanks to her super powered cells. It was oddly comforting, that the proof of her existence would never turn to dust.

Lena convinced Eliza and Alex to bury her, only till she died, that way they could send them off together, in the proper Kryptonian way. She would have to talk to Alura to get all the details, but she knew Kara would want it, and not having a religion herself, it was what she wanted as well.

Eventually, Lena would box everything away. Take Kara’s paintings down, pack up her clothes and knick-knacks. She would shove them in her car and take them back to her apartment, where she would spread them out across her penthouse as a makeshift shrine to the love she would never get back.

Until then, she would sit in the apartment, letting her anguish churn and burn inside her till it was finally time to move on.

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up at geralt-of-fking-rivia on tumblr if youve got some prompts or anything, i dont bite swear


End file.
